Archive for December 2009

Intercepted Report from the War on Christmas

December 14, 2009

OMG! O’Reilly is right, there is a war on Xmas! I found a letter to a “General Dawkins”. Some of the letter was unreadable but I have typed in what I could read. I use ellipses to indicate where there is writing that is illegible.

General Dawkins:

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits and good health as this year’s campaign ramps up […] As usual, we are making good progress despite a few setbacks.


Using techniques developed by the USAF at Edwards AFB, we are now able to track hypersonic reindeer and sleighs. Combined with Boeing’s laser weapons research, we are making excellent progress towards creating a laser-based anti-reindeer system. […]

We are having great difficulties with […]We are just not familiar enough with Father Xmas on this side of the pond.[…] Instead of having Col Cox working on that black hole generating doomsday weapon in Switzerland, you should have him work on this instead. He and his group are better acquainted with the tactics of Father Christmas.

Wow.  I am left speechless.